John Travolta — I SWEAR he wears that same suit every Oscars. Presenting “Best Cinematography.” Hey, Nature is Pretty got nominated! Told you it was pretty. Oh, winner … um, “Geisha.” (Yeah … I only brought this up to talk about Nature is Pretty.)
Jamie Foxxxxx — Presenting “Best Actress.” Oh, I’m SO rooting for Reese. They show a scene of Charlize teed off and ranting in “North Country.” Y’all watch out. She’ll kill ya.
GO, REESE!! I’m having a sinking feeling, though.
Best Actress is:
YAYYYY!!!! Reese Witherspoon!!! How can you not root for li’l Reese? She’s so adorable!! Told ya she was dressed like a winner. She’s effusive and glowing and precious. And her husband is looking at her with both love and envy. Hope they don’t go the way of Hillary and Chad.
Ugh …. this woman who just won for “Best Adapted Screenplay” — she’s just soo self-important, droning: “The byooooty of arrrrt is bringing light into the darrrknessss of men’s hearrrrts,” blah, blah …. It’s the tone of her voice or something. Oh, the winner was “Brokeback.”
Uma Thurman — She’s very creamy and uniformly colored. Dress, creamy; skin, creamy; boobins, creamy. See? Creamy and uniformly colored.
YAY AGAIN!! “Crash” won “Best Original Screenplay.” GREAT movie.
Tom Hanks again? Did he get some lymphatic massage?? Lemme look. NOPE. Presenting Director.
Best Director is: (Well, we already know it’s NOT George Clooney, haha.)
Ang Lee for “Brokeback Mountain.” I do LOVE his direction. I haven’t seen this movie though.
And HEEEEERE’S JACK!!!! Nicholson, that is, to present Best Picture:
Annnd Best Picture is: (Does anyone really wonder? Can I type it now??)
Br ……. WOWWWWW!!! See what I did there?? NO. I’m wrong!!
The winner is “CRASH”!! Fantastic!! I just LOVED that movie. Another surprise, really. A really great movie that has something to say to … ahem … everyone.
Congratulations — To ALL the winners!! And to Jon Stewart for doing a FINE job hosting!!
That’s all, folks!!!